Hayley & David
Wedding Jokes!
I suppose we will need to get used to marriage jokes, so here's some (pretty bad!) ones to begin with - enjoy!
* A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, 'I was being the Ring Bear.'
* Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence: a life sentence!
* Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
* Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
* Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of 'RINGS' :
- The Engagement Ring
- The Wedding Ring
- The Suffer-Ring
- The Endu-Ring
* It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
* A woman was telling her friend , 'It is I who made my husband a millionaire.' 'And what was he before you married him?' asked the friend. The woman replied, 'A multi-millionaire.'
* This couple were married for 67 years. The husband was asked if, in all those years, had they ever thought of divorce. 'Heavens, no', he replied. 'Murder, yes, but never divorce.'
* A man was speaking to God. 'God, why did you make women so beautiful?' he asked. God said, 'I did that to make you love them.' Then the man asked, 'Well, God, why did you make them such good cooks?' God said, 'I did that to make you love them.' The man then asked, 'But God, why did you make women so stupid?' God said, 'I did that to make them love you!'
* During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
'Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honour and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out.'
He passed the minister $100 and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
'Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?'
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, 'Yes,' then leaned toward the pastor and hissed, 'I thought we had a deal.'
The pastor put $100 into the groom's hand and whispered, 'She made me a better offer.'
* The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the
reception, etc.
'Now do you understand?' he asked.
'I think so,' she said. 'That was when mommy came to work for us?'
* A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, 'I was being the Ring Bear.'
* Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence: a life sentence!
* Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
* Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
* Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of 'RINGS' :
- The Engagement Ring
- The Wedding Ring
- The Suffer-Ring
- The Endu-Ring
* It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
* A woman was telling her friend , 'It is I who made my husband a millionaire.' 'And what was he before you married him?' asked the friend. The woman replied, 'A multi-millionaire.'
* This couple were married for 67 years. The husband was asked if, in all those years, had they ever thought of divorce. 'Heavens, no', he replied. 'Murder, yes, but never divorce.'
* A man was speaking to God. 'God, why did you make women so beautiful?' he asked. God said, 'I did that to make you love them.' Then the man asked, 'Well, God, why did you make them such good cooks?' God said, 'I did that to make you love them.' The man then asked, 'But God, why did you make women so stupid?' God said, 'I did that to make them love you!'
* During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
'Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honour and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out.'
He passed the minister $100 and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
'Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?'
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, 'Yes,' then leaned toward the pastor and hissed, 'I thought we had a deal.'
The pastor put $100 into the groom's hand and whispered, 'She made me a better offer.'
* The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the
reception, etc.
'Now do you understand?' he asked.
'I think so,' she said. 'That was when mommy came to work for us?'
